You never know what you've got until it's gone.
I can't even express how true that cliché is for me. It wasn't until I lost her that I even realized how I felt, what she meant to me.
It was awful when Draven died – I didn't know how I'd go on with that giant hole in my life. But this was a whole new level of pain, losing Shadow. When my mom told me, it felt like my spirit left my body, and the only reason I was able to move – to do anything – was just because I must’ve been on autopilot, or something else had taken control of my body. I was almost surprised my heart even kept beating when hers had stopped.
It wasn't fair, and I wished it wouldn't.
When I found out she’d died because of a curse - one that Ambrose had known about all along - I about lost it. How could he claim to care about her at all, and be with her anyway, knowing that it would kill her? I still can’t wrap my head around that. If it was me, I never would’ve let this happen to her. Even if it meant never being able to be with her, I wouldn’t have ever let it happen.
She’d been my best friend since fourth grade, always there by my side. Trying to imagine a life without her in it was like looking into an endless black hole, and it made me realize something I should’ve known all along. I wanted to have her by my side forever – I would have done anything to prevent this if I had only known. It made me finally realize that Shadow was the most valuable thing in my life, and she’d gotten involved with the wrong guy. All because I hadn't spoken up sooner.
Aurora, at least, should have known better. If she knew about the curse all along, trying to stop it once they were already involved wasn’t good enough. As Shadow’s friend, she should have prevented that doomed relationship from ever starting. Wasn’t it bad enough that their family curse had already killed one of my friends? Even if they had brought Draven back, it didn’t erase what had happened to him. Ambrose was her brother - she should have kept him away from Shadow, knowing what would happen. She should have never allowed them to be together.
Should have, should have, should have. There were so many things that should have been foreseen, so many things that should have been done differently by any and all of us. The hole in my chest never stopped burning as my thoughts went in circles, coming up with ways this could have been prevented.
If I could go back in time, if I could do it all again, I would make sure she knew how I felt. I would do everything in my power to protect her and keep that fragile life safe - no matter what.